I Needed Words Then

There are so many reasons

That I need words

Loss and pain

Love and hope

To feel, I first have words

The first night of college

in my first apartment

a thousand miles from home

I was a stranger

I needed words then

I was homesick

but also lost-

heartsick and alone

I needed words of love

I wanted to define reasons

For silliness and stupidity

Why I act like a child sometimes

And why I love it

I needed words then

I love the childish feelings

but feeling means nothing

unless there is understanding

and acceptance

Words help me understand

I used to hear a joke

about turtles that could fly

it always made me laugh

even that meant more

I needed words then

When I thought of flying turtles

I could laugh and smile

Just the idea of flying turtles

Taught me to look at life

And laugh

There was a night where it was dark

and I am afraid of the dark

all I could see was my cell

the lights were all turned out

I needed words then

If I could define fear

My fear might shrink enough

That I could go to sleep

In that night words saved me

In different times of my life

I needed words

Just to know what I meant

What had happened

So I write