Oppression

I keep on bleeding junk

The kind that has no name

Yet

Emotions

Bleeding red as blood

So many things

Too many

Overwhelming

Little things make it worse

Not writing

Not doing

All these “not”

Like knots in hair

That never come out

No matter how hard

You pull

It’s like the word “hate”

For me it doesn’t mean

Hate

It usually means

Strong dislike

Frustration.

Lately I hate everything

I even hate music-

My one true and lasting love

The thing that gets me through everything.

People would ask

Hey how are you?

My answer changed

For a time I was

Good!

Exclamation point and all

Happy

Fun

Wonderful.

Then I was

Sad

Frustrated

Confused

Simply “bleh”

Now I’m

A lot

I can’t decide what I am

It hurts so much

As I writhe in pools of pain

I keep trying to avoid more pain

The despair is endless

I want to be

Perfect

Funny Shoes-Don't Fall!

I like to watch clowns walk
Their feet stick out
Colorfully
And every other second,
I think they are going to fall
And if they do
I laugh
So much

Then when I see
Zumiez skater shoes
I think of skaters
Doing amazing tricks
And then the fakers
The ones who like what the skaters do-
They try to show up
The masters
And they fall

Elf shoes
Curled up at the ends
With a little bell
That jingles
I giggle to hear it

Have you ever seen
Skiers?
They have just put on their shoes
And their feet
Are now ten times
Longer
What a mess!

Tall stick-shoes
I don’t know the name
But I’m sure you know
What they are
The ones in parades
To make men taller
It takes great balance
And practice
But all I do is laugh
Because the image
Is worth the laughs

High heeled tiny shoes
For tiny people
Short girls with skinny legs
And hair down to their ankles
Playing dress up
In high, high heels
Make me smile
It’s like short-woman-syndrome

Then there are those girls-
Girls pretending to be women
With the strut
They think it looks sexy
But it ends up with
Tripping over her own feet
Why so hilarious?

Take a Step in Any Direction

I see a shadow moving
Pivoting, deciding
Short in one second
Then long
Everywhere in between

The shadow never decides
His owner never really moves
In the unusual occasion that he moves
He changes his mind
mid step

Two steps forward
Another step back
Every step changes
The destination is different

The shadow is always growing
Learning to take one step
But even when he takes a step
The direction
Is always moving

On a compass wheel
The shadow starts with going north
But his goal
Is changing
As the shadow grows
East by southeast
North by northwest
West

I get impatient with the shadow
Move
Just move
Choose, and keep with it
I can’t interpret
What his movement means

He is growing
I am watching
Hoping his next step
Is directed to me

The Art of Smiling

Have you ever seen

a porcupine smile?

prickly they may be

but even they know how to

smile

the art of smiling

takes up the whole face

I think of smiles

on grandfatherly faces

Wrinkles

emphasizing the eyes crinkling

the upturned dimpled cheeks

it has been forgotten

how to smile

even sitting alone-

it is still an option

Seeing smiles makes me grin

No matter how my day goes

I see

And I follow

I am a smiley person.

Like the smiley faces

in emoticons

my face might wrinkle faster

but I don’t care

I know I’ll be happy

I love to see a smile

When other people grin

I know

It’s not a permanent thing

They know how to frown

They are human too

So am I

When I see eye wrinkles

I think of certain people

The ones who know

The art of smiling

I Needed Words Then

There are so many reasons

That I need words

Loss and pain

Love and hope

To feel, I first have words

The first night of college

in my first apartment

a thousand miles from home

I was a stranger

I needed words then

I was homesick

but also lost-

heartsick and alone

I needed words of love

I wanted to define reasons

For silliness and stupidity

Why I act like a child sometimes

And why I love it

I needed words then

I love the childish feelings

but feeling means nothing

unless there is understanding

and acceptance

Words help me understand

I used to hear a joke

about turtles that could fly

it always made me laugh

even that meant more

I needed words then

When I thought of flying turtles

I could laugh and smile

Just the idea of flying turtles

Taught me to look at life

And laugh

There was a night where it was dark

and I am afraid of the dark

all I could see was my cell

the lights were all turned out

I needed words then

If I could define fear

My fear might shrink enough

That I could go to sleep

In that night words saved me

In different times of my life

I needed words

Just to know what I meant

What had happened

So I write

Love Me

She told me

To make you love me

Telling stories about myself

Getting a connection to you

Making you love me

For me

But I can’t

I think that people love me

They tell me all the time

“Lisa-I love you”

Usually it’s because they are laughing

I didn’t get an obvious joke

Two and a half seconds later

I got it

I’m like that, always

I have been told that I am nice

And I am

I am one of those people

the ones who pick up other people’s trash

I’ll feel bad for talking

When I say something

behind a back

That’s me

I’m one of the touchy feely people

I jump out of nowhere

And give you a hug

I am always hugging

I’ll see a person three times

Every time I see them

They get a hug

That’s me

You know the people who smile a lot?

Their faces permanently grin

You know what I mean

They just smile

In that way

With the half moon dimples

The mouth turned up at the ends

And the eyes

Crinkled at the edges

Those people

I’m one of them

But just because I’m nice

And because I know how to smile

I hug everyone

That doesn’t mean you should love me

If you want to love me

You should know me better than that

Cause hugs and smiles and niceness-

Everyone knows that about me

Love me for more.

Super Strengths

We all know the people

The ones with super strength

bearing the weight of worlds

on their shoulders

When they are sick

They get up

Miserable or not

They will move on

No matter what

These are the people I envy

Other people are strong

In other ways

They listen to every issue

as it is brought to them

they care

no matter how big their plate

I see those people who smile

And they make me smile

I know they have issues

But they smile still

When I see a smile, I want to smile too

Each smile I see brightens up my day

Little words of hope

Small sentences

with important connections

Quotes

Emotional muscles

Flying turtles

Talking stop signs

These odd ideas

Mortal angels

Ordinary Supermen

I can see

and now I am better

There are people who share these strengths

I am not always one of them

Still I am learning

To gain my super strength